There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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