he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
