I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
