Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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