you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
