i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
