Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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