I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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