I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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