I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
