Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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