if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
