Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
