In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
