Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
