Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
