You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
