i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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