Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Someone signed my nipple.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
