i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
