Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
