it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can text with my tongue
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
