So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
