I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
