i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
