Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
