his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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