In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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