This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
