Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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