thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
