Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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