Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
