He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
