So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
