I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
