Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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