dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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