you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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