hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
