hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
