She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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