shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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