Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
