Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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