I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
