nut hugger
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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