Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
