Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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