Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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