I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
ttyl tear gas
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
