Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
