sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
