He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
