I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
